3 Types of Love... According to Greek Philosophy

If you look back to Ancient Greek texts, you’ll find that they didn’t have one way to describe love like we do today—they had anywhere from three to seven, depending on who you ask.

To help get a better understanding for how different types of love work, let’s explore the three types of love defined by the Ancient Greeks.

1. Eros
Eros is the type of love that most closely resembles what Western cultures now view as romantic love. The word stems from the Greek word erotas, which translates to “intimate love.”

Some scholars believe that eros also represented sexual chemistry and desire, but others claim that the word “intimate” didn’t have the same connotation in Ancient Greece as it does today.

Either way, eros wasn’t necessarily viewed in a positive light. (Much like we view infatuation or lust today.) Many Greeks viewed eros as dangerous due to the loss of control that occurs when someone is struck by this kind of love. And yes, I said struck because Eros is found in Greek Mythology as being brought on by cupid’s arrow. For example, Paris falling in love with Helen and leading to the downfall of Troy.

2. Philia
While many Greeks viewed eros as dangerous, they viewed philia as the ideal love. Philia, in today’s terms, would resemble something like “brotherly love.” It was about showing loyalty, giving sacrifice, showing appreciation, and other more “noble” forms of love not involving sex.

According to Aristotle, a person can feel philia towards someone for one of three reasons: their utility, their pleasantness, and their goodness. Aristotle also theorized that one must feel love for themselves before being able to feel love for others—something I think we’ve all heard from well-meaning friends when asking them for relationship advice.

Plato’s theory was that the best kind of philia is the philia that blossoms out of eros, which isn’t all that different from the many people today who consider their spouse to be their best friend.

3. Agape
Agape is a bit more abstract than the other two types of love, but stay with me. Agape is sometimes referred to in modern times as universal love, charity, or even altruism. Essentially, it’s the love inside us that we give freely to others—regardless of our relationship to them. The whole idea of agape love is that we don’t need to even have met the other person before, but we still want to help them, cooperate with them, or do good deeds towards them. While we may not expect anything in return for our selfless good deeds, studies show that they can actually benefit us—negating the effects of stress and having an overall positive affect on our mental health.

There’s no right or wrong way to love, but there is a beauty and a fullness when you fill your life with multiple types of love. Sometimes it seems that the reason we may feel unfulfilled with our love life is because we’re putting so much into our romantic relationships that we’ve neglected our friendships and sometimes even our family members. Similarly, it’s important to remember not to become so enamored with romantic love that you stop feeling the beauty of more platonic love (philia) and the love of strangers (agape).

It can be pretty powerful to give love and expect nothing in return, don’t you think?

ASHLEY UZER 

www.zoosk.com

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